I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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