Do you still have your period?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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