But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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