We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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