I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
my liver is dry heaving
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
