I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
