We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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