maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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