her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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