The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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