i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
