You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
