If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
