its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
