How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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