god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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