There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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