just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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