True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
