Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
