So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
