I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
why is half of my head shaved?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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