walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
