I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
