I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
