The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize