office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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