I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
