Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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