She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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