I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
