I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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