dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
it was like having sex with a tree stump
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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