Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
