i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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