yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
