i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
