Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
