just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
