Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
