i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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