i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
