So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
