Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
