i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
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I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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