i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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