i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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