I didn't shave. On purpose
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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