trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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