The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
this boner is exhausting
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
