I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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