i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
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He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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