I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
