I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
