I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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