im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
