closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
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