Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
