I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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