Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
