Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
