Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
