Someone shit on the floor
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
