What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Bring me that man meat
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
