i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS