When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her