What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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