I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
