the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize