he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I think a kid would responsible me up
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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