Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
