Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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