I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
