Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
