Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize