things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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