Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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