Please, let me fuck your mom
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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