At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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