I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
