I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
