I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
