Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
