are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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