i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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